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Colleagues, consultants, mentors, coaches, and advisors all offer outside perspectives and voices to help guide leaders. A leader’s own internal voices, however, are the ones that are most often overlooked—and deserve more attention.
Internal voices are a natural part of human consciousness. If you’ve read Freud, you will recall the Id, Ego, and Super-Ego—a good reminder that our inner voices can be instinctual, not verbal. Some of our internal voices are positive ones: they can check us based on the lessons of experience, offer ethical guardrails, or encourage us to get back up when we’ve been knocked down. Other voices can take us down darker paths: we all know highly intelligent people who wind up in a bad place because their negative voices overwhelm moderation or impulse control.
The best leaders know that they must work, and continually develop themselves, to navigate their inner landscapes as deftly as they do their organizations and marketplaces. Learning to master your own internal dialogue(s) is a lifelong project, but those who commit to it will make better decisions, enhance their executive presence, and display the wisdom and fortitude to lead from the front even in the most challenging times.
I recently had a long conversation about “inner voices” with my friend, business partner, and fellow Holy Cross College graduate Michael Palumbo. As an experienced project management leader and coach, as well as a former Harvard Divinity School student, Michael approaches leadership in ways that are different from but complementary to my own.
Michael and I enthusiastically agreed that effective leaders must make conscious choices about which internal voices to listen to. There are probably as many voices as there are different people, but we identified four we commonly see/hear in executives and managers.
The Commander takes charge in the face of adversity. This voice is the one of confidence and results: the voice that urges you to put your head down and plough through impediments and roadblocks, and to demand that others do the same. Many high-performers tap into this voice to sustain their energy and drive when weariness or fear of failure sets in. That said, if not managed, this voice can have a shadow side for your team: coming across as a bully, not listening to other ideas, and failing to engender followership. “Just do it” can be a good mantra, but not all the time. Effective leaders balance the The Commander with The Stabilizer—the voice that seeks to understand others’ perspectives, gain buy-in, and recognize that how we get things done sometimes matters more than the results themselves.
The Doubter is another common voice. Often referred to as Imposter Syndrome, this voice can be a loud and debilitating one for to a leader. Michael references Lauren Daigle’s song “You Say”: “I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.” There is no confidence, strength, or clarity when this voice is loudest and we act from this part of ourselves. This voice can derail executive presence and leave an organization questioning whether it trusts its leader. That said, doubting oneself is not as uncommon as you think, even at the top of organizations—I have worked with many C-suite executives who have shared “I’m worried that at some point they’ll figure out I don’t have all the answers, that I’m not as good as I appear to be.” As a participant in the internal conversation, The Doubter can create a useful balance: it tempers our bravado, helps us not to be overly headstrong, and mitigates risk. But this voice works best paired with its mirror-twin, The Believer—the voice that reminds us to believe in ourselves, others, and our ability to overcome the odds.
The Perfectionist is can often be a very loud voice. It insists that things are not good enough, and it can drain both the energy of a leader and the patience of her followers. This voice demands that everything be just right; that there is no margin for error; and that nobody can relax until every single detail is gold-plated and tied up in a perfect bow. While perfectionists set high standards and can help produce quality results, those often come at a cost: “the perfect is the enemy of the good,” as the philosopher Voltaire said, and the desire to perfect even the smallest details can cloud a leader’s vision of the big picture, make it impossible to delegate, drive away talent, and earn you the reputation of being a micromanager. If The Perfectionist is one of your louder voices, seek to balance it with that of The Pragmatist. Remind yourself of The Pareto Principle (a.k.a. “the 80/20 Rule”) and remember that sometimes “good enough is good enough,” especially if the extra effort can be redirected toward other benefits.
The Analyzer is a voice that has risen to prominence in recent times. With massive amounts of data available at a single click or verbal command, this voice wants to consume as much information as possible before making a decision. Artificial intelligence, copious on-line resources, the ever-expanding Internet of Things, and social media all dynamically generate endless information to feed The Analyzer. When this voice is in charge of a leader’s inner dialogue, there is high risk of “Analysis-Paralysis.” Decisions are slow or never made. Actions are too late or not taken at all. When The Analyzer is paired with The Perfectionist, the leader can experience high levels of internal stress and anxiety, while the organization is left asking, “Where is he? What is he thinking? Why aren’t we doing anything?” The Commander can be a counterbalance to negotiate well-informed action and avoid the inactivity trap.
Most people get anxious thinking about “inner voices.” The common reaction, especially given the influence of pop culture, is that any “voice in our head” is a bad thing. Researchers like Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of the IFS Institute and the Internal Family Systems Model, show us that we are all born with parts and sub-personalities. These are natural elements of the human mind. Yes, especially under stress, the internal voices of doubt, fear, and anxiety can cloud judgment, derail decision making, and lead to disconnection among teams. But our voices can also be good spirits, encouraging us to be better, try harder, learn more, and forgive ourselves and each other. If you listen carefully to your inner voices, rather than just reacting to them, they can be gateways to learning and excellence. Shutting down or pushing away internal voices does not work. The silencing will only be temporary. They will return, and when they do they will be louder.
We offer three fundamental ways to better navigate your internal dialogue:
- Observe and study, without judgment, what your internal voices are saying.
- Discover what these voices are concerned about and what they want for you. Often these voices have a noble purpose and want you to succeed. The voices may see real risks that can be managed in different ways.
- Find space and confidence to choose thoughtful responses instead of triggered reactions. You may not recognize that you have a choice on how to respond to your voices—and the awareness that you do have a choice is a monumental first step.
Finally, consider how you can unleash your Internal Coach or your Best Self. This is the grounded voice within you that can balance and orchestrate all your other internal voices and help you choose the best action—which, sometimes, is no action at all. Choosing to act from your Best Self bolsters your effectiveness and your executive presence through humble confidence, courage, and clarity. You remain calm, even in crisis, to connect with others and problem-solve with creativity, collaboration, and compassion.
The best leaders and managers seek constantly to master their internal dialogue. What voices do you listen to?
