Strategy

3 ways to restore your confidence after getting criticism at work, according to a career coach

Melody Wilding,

2019-10-09T13:10:58Z

Melody Wilding is an executive coach who helps people navigate their careers confidently and find lasting work-life balance.
When your work is criticized, it's very normal to feel insecure or angry — but in pretty much anything, you'll eventually receive negative feedback at some point.
If you get negative feedback, thank the person giving it, see how you can improve, and proactively head off future issues.
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When I asked my client Jessica how her relationship with her manager was going since we last spoke, there was a long pause.

"Jessica, what happened?" I asked.

"She ripped apart a presentation I put together. She said I needed to start over from scratch because it totally missed the mark. I couldn't stop thinking about our conversation all weekend!"

Maybe you've found yourself in Jessica's shoes, feeling angry, insecure, or demoralized after getting bad feedback. When someone criticizes your work, it can feel like a confirmation of your inner critic saying you're not good enough. Other times, a single offhanded comment ("you look tired") launches you into an existential crisis about how you're too old and have accomplished nothing with your life. But if you want to do anything important in the world, you'll inevitably get negative feedback.

Instead of falling apart, why not learn to get better at receiving criticism?

Mastering the art of responding to criticism like a pro is linked to higher job satisfaction. It's also the cornerstone of building trust in any relationship.

Here's how to respond positively to negative feedback, find the good in it, and fortify your confidence as a result.

First, thank them. Seriously.

men shaking hands shake handshake hand-shake business deal interview meeting — You validate the person, and you get control over your emotional response. Shutterstck

You may be tempted to lash out and give that person a piece of your mind.

Before you say something you’ll regret, pause. Don’t panic. Practice being aware of your emotional reaction.

Then, buy yourself time to calm down and gain distance from the comments by saying something like “Thanks, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts” or “I’ll need a moment to digest that”.

By doing so, you use your empathy skills to achieve two things: (1) you make the person feel heard and validated and (2) you gain control of your emotional response so that you respond respectfully.

Find the lesson

should i start a business woman thinking — Use it as an opportunity for how you can grow. PeopleImages/Getty Images

After you've given yourself some space to process what's been said, you're ready to evaluate the feedback objectively.

Keep in mind that criticism is a reflection of one person's opinions and beliefs, including their fears. For example, your family may be critical of your career choices when in fact they're just worried about you. Do your best to de-personalize their comments and assume positive intent.

Find a growth opportunity within the criticism by asking for specific examples about where you could improve or what you could do differently next time.

Go on the offense

Instead of shuddering away from criticism, solicit it proactively.

This process, called desensitization, involves gradually exposing yourself to scary situations until the anxiety dissipates. The more comfortable you get having difficult conversations, the easier they become (and the more your confidence grows as a result).

Look for low-stakes opportunities to show your work to new people. Set up a regular one-on-one with your boss. Create a weekly date night so you can have important conversations with your partner. In Braden's case, he stopped fearing his boss' criticism by getting his input on presentations earlier and more often.

You won't please everyone all the time and negative feedback is a natural consequence of going for your goals. Remember, at the end of the day the opinion that matters the most is yours.